I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
