dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
