some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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