oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
