i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
