All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
