flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
