It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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