Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
