New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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