4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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