Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
