I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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