no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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