It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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