I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
