I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
