They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he shaved USA in his pubs
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
