So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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