Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
