Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
