he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
