Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
