I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
