Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
