Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
