I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
