If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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