I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
