i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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