Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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