Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
