I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
