He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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