i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
