Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
