omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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