Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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