Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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