I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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