You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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