i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
