Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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