I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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