I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
