Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You're like the curious george of whores
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Randomize
