if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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