one might say we're banned from that church
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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