You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
