"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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