So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
