Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
be right there i have to get my cape
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
